I Love My Baby But.... - A Blog

When I was teaching kindergarten, I used to tell people that I wasn't the stereotypical, sing-songy-voiced, sunshine and daffodils kinda teacher. I had my own way of connecting and communicating with my students that worked well for us.

And now that I'm a new mom, I kinda find myself feeling the same way. I sometimes feel alone in my feelings and opinions as a first time mom. But on the off chance I'm not alone, I'm going to share with you some of the ways I feel like I'm stranger than your average mom and if you can relate, then you'll know you're not alone either.

I love love LOVE my baby to pieces, but.....

She's not sleeping in my bed. This is NO SHADE WHATSOEVER to moms who choose co-sleep. But for me, my bed is a place where I go to rejuvenate so I can wake up replenished and ready to care of my baby. If she was in bed with me, I'd NEVER get sleep. I'd be too busy checking whether she was a sleep...or breathing...or moving...or turning over. It's hard enough not to check her baby monitor every 5 seconds. Besides that, and trust me when I tell you this, my husband, my friends, my family, my neighbors, and pretty much anyone who I may be in contact with on any given day, wants me to get as much sleep as I can. Lastly, I think it's important for her to know that she has her own space that she can feel safe and comfortable in. 

I don't need to hold her 24/7. I know, I know. I can hear you as I'm typing this. "They're only this little once. Hold them while you can." "You'll miss holding her when she's (insert age) and doesn't want to be held anymore." I'm sure all those comments are true to a degree. But notice that I didn't say that I don't want to hold my baby at all. I just don't want to hold her ALL DAY LONG. I want her to feel safe enough in her environment be comfortable sitting in her chair or laying on her play mat with me beside her. Of course holding her and bonding with her are super important, especially in the first month or two. But at three months, when she wants to stretch and kick and play, I'm doing her and myself no favors by holding on for dear life. I also discovered baby wearing, which gives baby and me the closeness we both want but I’m hands-free to do other things while keeping her near. 

Babysitters Welcome. The first few times leaving Camille with family members or friends was way easier than I thought it would be. I thought I'd have trouble leaving or feel uneasy or anxious about it; maybe because I had heard of other mom’s experiences. But that's not how I felt at all. I think a lot of that has to do with the fact that I trusted the people I was leaving her with and knew she would be in great hands. And, truth be told, if I hadn't done any damage to her yet, with as little experience as I had with newborns, then I was pretty confident that they'd be able to keep my child alive too. And along the same lines....

I'm not crying when I leave you with daddy. Daddy is a co-parent, not a babysitter.  I'm grateful that daddy is happy to have some one-on-one time with his daughter so that mommy can have some one-on-one time at Target.

So again, this is just my point of view and how I feel as a first time mommy. You may feel completely different. There's no right or wrong; just the common goal of caring for our babies and ourselves the best we can. Just know that if you do feel like I do, you're not alone. My baby is healthy, happy, and thriving and that's my prayer for your baby, too. DO YOU!